


really good boy

by hyuckheis (johnyongs)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Dom/sub Undertones, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Mark Lee: Just Trying His Best, Yukhei Wong: Human Disaster
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-02-03
Packaged: 2019-10-21 08:48:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17639597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/johnyongs/pseuds/hyuckheis
Summary: “I want Mark to dominate and emotionally ruin me, please help!”Kun chokes.Sicheng pats his back, face carefully blank as Kun splutters and slaps his chest, trying to dislodge the errant bite of pasta lodged in his windpipe. Renjun doesn’t look up from his homework. It’s Chenle who leans forward, drumming his fingers together.“Tell me more,” he says, with glee.Alternatively,Yukhei goes to all the wrong people for relationship advice, until he doesn't.





	really good boy

**Author's Note:**

> [crawls out of the cave ive been hibernating in] heyo folks!! pls enjoy this very senseless fic where yukhei has to learn Good Communication Skills ,, will be back on my hyuckhei bullshit posthaste  
> heads up there are moments where the dreamies are included in conversations about sex,,, it's mostly them making fun of the shit show that is yukhei's sex life but if that's smth that makes you uncomfy ~this is your warning~ ~turn back now~  
> BIG THANKS to allison and sam and lisa and meg and reem and cla and dani for your feedback and encouragement ;; IT REALLY TAKES A VILLAGE !!!  
> pls enjoy <3

“I want Mark to dominate and emotionally ruin me, please help!”

 

This is the first thing Yukhei says to his friends, after bursting into the cafeteria and making a ruckus as he weaves through the tables and finally plops down in the vacant seat left for him.

 

Kun chokes.

 

Sicheng pats his back, face carefully blank as Kun splutters and slaps his chest, trying to dislodge the errant bite of pasta lodged in his windpipe. Renjun doesn’t look up from his homework. It’s Chenle who leans forward, drumming his fingers together.

 

“Tell me _more,_ ” he says, with glee.

 

“You will _not!_ ” Kun wheezes, face red. His gaze, when leveled at Yukhei, is full of parental disapproval. “There are children here! This is not an appropriate conversation.”

 

“I’m twenty years old!” Chenle protests. “I know what BDSM is!” Kun looks like he’s going to go into cardiac arrest. All in all, it’s a typical Monday afternoon.

 

“You’re one to talk,” Sicheng says, and there’s a glimmer in his eyes that is absolutely diabolical. “Weren’t you drunk on Saturday and telling me about that time you hooked up with Doyoung and Ten? At the same time?”

 

That makes Renjun look up. “What?” It’s drowned out by Chenle making a loud gurgling noise, before falling off his chair.

 

“It was one time! I swore you to secrecy!”

 

“It was _not_ one time. I’m your roommate, you think I can’t hear you?”

 

Yukhei leans forward, genuinely fascinated by this new dimension that apparently exists where Kun Qian is not actually a virgin. His original problem is almost forgotten in the face of the revelation. “Were you… the spitroaster, or the spitroastee?”

 

“That’s none of your business!” Poor Kun. He looks so absolutely mortified. Sicheng leans back in his chair and smirks, before composing his face into something blank and disinterested, like he hadn’t just vaulted the entire table into total chaos.

 

Kun covers his face with his hands. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but. Can we please go back to talking about Xuxi’s sex life? Please.”

 

Chenle’s managed to get himself back in his seat, and he wipes a stray tear from the corner of his eyes. “I was gonna go back to my dorm and watch Voltron but this is honestly so much better.”

 

“I genuinely need help you guys! Sexual repression is not a joke,” Yukhei says seriously.

 

“You’re like. The least sexually repressed person I’ve ever met,” Renjun says. “Why don’t you just… I dunno? Talk to Mark? He’s your boyfriend, isn’t he?”

 

“Well yeah, but I can’t just like. _Tell_ him. That’s weird.”

 

“Communication between partners is weird… how? Exactly?”

 

Yukhei sniffs indignantly, pointing a finger at Renjun, who has mastered the art of the judgemental eyebrow raise. “You know what, I don’t need you judging my life decisions, just tell me what to do!” He looks at Sicheng and Kun, who he considers to be the only real adults at the table, therefore maybe somewhat worthy of asking for advice. “Tell me what to do!”

 

“You broke Kun,” Chenle snickers, when Kun doesn’t respond, keeping his face firmly hidden in his hands. Yukhei doesn’t understand why Kun has to be such a prude about what he does in the bedroom. Considering he himself has crushed majorly (and loudly) on Doyoung and Ten in the past, Yukhei holds a new admiration for Kun, who has apparently bagged them both.

 

“How do I tell Mark without actually literally telling him anything?”

 

“Invent a mind reading machine.” Sicheng suggests blandly.

 

“Choreograph an interpretive dance!” Chenle chimes in.

 

Of the two, only the dance sounds somewhat doable. Why is Chenle the only semi-helpful person at this table? When did he become so worldly and knowledgeable? Last time Yukhei checked, he was just a little bean sprout who wouldn’t look up from his Nintendo DS.

 

“Okay, I have much to think about,” Yukhei says, getting up from the table. In actuality, he’s going to go to the library and look up “mating dances in the animal kingdom” on YouTube for at least an hour.

 

“Good luck communicating without actually communicating!” Renjun calls out, and Yukhei elects to ignore him. Honesty is the last resort, emergency response.

 

\--

 

Yukhei likes Mark.

 

Like, really _really_ likes Mark.

 

Yukhei’s never been the type of person to halfass anything. Whatever he puts his mind to, he commits one hundred percent, lets it consume him from the inside out until he’s spiralling into a mess of Feelings and Emotions that can’t be contained in his mortal shell. Usually this manifests with him yelling incomprehensible things and flailing his arms around until he knocks something over.

 

He’s a work-in-progress. That’s what Kun says, anyway.

 

In this particular situation, however, Yukhei’s pretty sure if he makes a noise it will definitely disrupt the delicate equilibrium of the moment. That moment being him sitting on one end of the ratty couch in Mark’s apartment, while Mark sits on the other end, doing homework.

 

Yukhei’s trying to focus on his own assignment (these equations won’t solve themselves), but he keeps getting sidetracked.

 

 _Mark is so hot,_ Yukhei’s brain helpfully supplies. Sitting there, in a shirt that droops at the collar, some worn basketball shorts, and these reading glasses that Mark keeps having to push up the bridge of his nose, he looks like the embodiment of everything Yukhei wants in this universe and he has to physically curl his hands into fists to keep from pouncing on him.

 

They’ve only been dating for a little over a month. Mark’s a little skittish too, not used to the clumsily affectionate and public way Yukhei tends to operate. He doesn’t want to push, to overwhelm Mark and drive him away. Which would likely happen if Yukhei launched himself bodily at Mark and bit him. Which is what Yukhei really wants to do right now. Bite Mark right on the neck and grind down on him and rub one out like a dumb horny teenager because Yukhei’s brain never quite left the tenth grade.

 

He wants to say something, or at least squirm around. Anything to relieve this weird buzzing under his skin. But again, it would disturb this moment of peace and quiet. So this latent energy manifests in another, more inconvenient way. Yukhei looks down at the treacherous tent in his pants and wonders whether he’s reached the lowest point in his life, or the highest.

 

Maybe he can walk it off.

 

Mark makes a noise of frustration and chews on the cap of his pen, his pretty pink lips wrapping around the plastic. Oh no. _Oh no._ This isn’t a walk-it-off kind of situation.

 

As if sensing Yukhei’s growing (ha) dilemma, he looks up from his textbook and startles, like he’s surprised Yukhei’s looking at him. “What’s wrong?” Mark’s so fucking cute. His eyes are all wide, mouth shaped into an “O”, and he looks so concerned, and it’ll be really embarrassing when he realizes Yukhei’s only problem right now is the one in his pants.

 

Yukhei should write a book. _How to Get Turned On In Non Sexual Situations and Freak Your Boyfriend Out._ Something like that. A title that encompasses dumpster fire that is his life. Normally Yukhei is okay with this. He thrives in chaos, and he likes how he is.

 

But he really _really_ likes Mark. More than he’s ever liked someone before. And he doesn’t want to scare Mark off when he learns Yukhei is actually JizzBot 3000. It’s not like they’ve never had sex, but what if Mark thinks Yukhei only wants him for his body? Which is admittedly very nice and certainly the center of many of Yukhei’s wet dreams but--

 

Mark’s really fucking nice. He always laughs at Yukhei’s jokes even when Yukhei knows they’re not funny, and is so patient, and smart, and hardworking, and _hot,_ and _kind,_ and he has cute teeth and cute glasses and sometimes when he wears one of Yukhei’s hoodies he has _sweater paws and--_

 

“Bro.” Mark’s voice pulls Yukhei out of his thoughts, and now his eyebrows are pulled together in a concerned frown. “You okay?”

 

Mark calling him bro does nothing to turn him off. “Who, me?” Yukhei asks, pointing at himself and widening his eyes innocently.

 

The corner of Mark’s mouth twitches up. “No, dude. I’m talking to the couch.”

 

Yukhei looks down at the faded brown upholstery of the couch Mark apparently found at Goodwill his second year of uni. “I don’t think this couch has been okay since 1965.”

 

Mark snorts, because it’s a bad joke, but he laughs anyway. (“He has horrible taste in jokes,” Renjun tells Yukhei, then eyes his body up and down. “And men.”)

 

“I’m serious though. You were, like, staring at me and zoned out for a minute. You looked like you were gonna throw up.”

 

“Haha no! I’m fine! Haha,” Yukhei says, convincingly.

 

Mark rolls his eyes. Yukhei really is a terrible liar. He should work on that, maybe. And maybe also work on his physical tells. Because he tries to shift around in his seat-- anything to alleviate the tightest in his track pants-- and that draws Mark’s attention to his crotch.

 

Dammit.

 

There’s a moment where Mark just stares with wide eyes, then looks up at Yukhei in disbelief, and Yukhei can’t quite _breathe._ This could go terribly wrong, or terribly right.

 

Then the corner of Mark’s mouth turns up into a smirk. “What were you thinking about, Xuxi?” He asks, setting down his textbook very slowly. Oh no. Oh fuck. Mark called him _Xuxi._ He might as well have said _good boy._ “What’s going on in that head of yours?”

 

Yukhei feels like he might just swallow his own tongue when Mark gets on his knees and moves towards him. He doesn’t have enough presence of mind to put his stuff down either, so he sort of just, shoves everything off his lap and it all falls to a crumbling heap on the floor. He’ll have to worry about that later.

 

“Uhm,” is the only word in Yukhei’s current vocabulary, what with Mark settling down in his lap and all, running a hand through the hair at Yukhei’s nape, and smiling in a way that Yukhei can only describe as _victorious._

 

The thing about being with Mark is that it’s a lot like flipping a switch. There are two different Mark Lees that coexist in the same body, and it’s hard to tell which will come out when. In day-to-day life, there is Normal-Mark, who laughs at bad jokes, is unbearably kind, and awkwardly bumbling in a hot nerd kind of way that Yukhei is super into.

 

Then there is Night Mode-Mark, who Yukhei calls _Daddy_ only in his head when he’s sure there are no mind-readers in the vicinity. This is the Mark he met at a frat party he’s forgotten the name of, who he fingered in a bathroom and made out with for exactly seventeen minutes after taking one too many shots of cake vodka, and then spent the rest of the night sobering up at a Taco Bell while talking about government conspiracy theories.

 

And then they went back to Mark’s dorm and Mark told him expressly that he wanted to be pounded into the sheets. To which Yukhei enthusiastically complied.

 

 _Enthusiastic Compliance_ should be the title of Yukhei’s second book. That’s what it feels like, dating Mark.

 

Right now, Yukhei just sort of wants to melt into the very fabric of the couch, having Mark’s long fingers in his hair, scratching his scalp. Belatedly, he realizes he hasn’t really said anything, unless he counts the very loud groan he lets out when Mark deliberately grinds his ass down on him.

 

Ah, fuck. Why is he thinking of book titles when Mark Lee is in his lap?

 

“I’m pretty sure physics doesn’t turn you on,” Mark teases, looking down at Yukhei with this mixture of fondness and something that makes Yukhei feel stupid, in a sexy way.

 

(“Humiliation kink,” the Renjun-sounding voice in his head reminds him.)

 

“I was thinking-- about you,” Yukhei just barely manages to choke out, and the sheer embarrassment of saying that aloud makes him feel like there’s a raging fire in his lungs. Somehow, his hands have found his way to Mark’s hips, digging into the bony flesh there.

 

Mark smirks again. “Of course you were.” The smirk takes on a dangerous edge. “Be specific.”

 

“D-don’t you have a midterm tomorrow?” Deflection, not one of Yukhei’s most carefully honed talents.

 

Mark shrugs. “I could use a break.” Yukhei blinks at him, as the surprise works its way through the haze of horniness. Mark doesn’t take breaks. He usually works and works until his eyes are glassy and unseeing, and his fingers tremble so badly his pencil falls out of his hand.

 

Yukhei looks down, and the bulge in Mark’s pants is obvious. He’s turned on too-- how the hell did that happen? But Yukhei’s never been one to look a gift-horse in the mouth. He lets one of his hands slide down to rub over Mark’s clothed dick, and Mark’s eyes screw shut, hips bucking a little in search of more pressure.

 

“Whoa. Can I suck you off?”

 

Yukhei’s dick to brain to mouth filter: Off.

 

Mark’s cheek’s are crimson as Yukhei works him up, and he nods. Yukhei pulls him down for a kiss-- a quick, bruising kiss that speaks of heat and promise, before Mark slides off of Yukhei’s lap and settles back on the couch.

 

In Yukhei’s haste to get on his knees, he bangs his hip on the side of the coffee table, and winces as he pushes it back to make room, desperately hoping Mark didn’t see that. When he’s settled himself between Mark’s spread legs, he dares look up and-- yeah, Mark totally saw that.

 

“Careful,” Mark snickers, but the embarrassment is eased when he runs his fingers through Yukhei’s hair again. Then he tugs on the strands, pulling Yukhei’s face closer to his dick. “Now suck.”

 

Well, now that, Yukhei can do. So with very little finesse, he pulls at the hem of Mark’s shorts. He’s not wearing anything underneath, and it only serves to make the heat in Yukhei’s gut coil tighter. He’s going to die today, he can just tell. Hopefully _after_ making Mark orgasm.

 

Yukhei takes Mark in his hand, and Mark makes a low noise at the back of his throat. Encouraged, Yukhei pumps his length several times, bringing it to full hardness, before leaning in to lick up the underside, and wrapping his mouth around the head.

 

“ _Fuck,”_ Mark hisses, tugging a little at Yukhei’s hair, but it’s not enough. Yukhei wants Mark so gone that he won’t care about hurting Yukhei, about using his mouth like a fucktoy, and will be so rough that Yukhei’s throat will hurt for the rest of the day.

 

Yukhei takes a moment to suckle at the head, peering up at Mark through his eyelashes as he does, hoping to give off an air of submissiveness, show Mark that Yukhei is definitely a slut and willing to quit his current occupation as full-time student to become a full-time cocksucker.

 

Mark’s not really paying attention. He’s got his head pressed back against the couch cushion, staring vacantly at the ceiling with his bottom lip caught between his teeth. That just won’t do. So Yukhei sucks harder, pressing the tip of his tongue to the spot right underneath the head of Mark’s dick, before licking at the precum that beads at the tip, lapping at it as it keeps oozing out.

 

Mark hisses out a curse, looking down at Yukhei in disbelief. But his grip on Yukhei’s hair is a little tighter, so he presses forward, swallowing down more and more of Mark’s length. Yukhei thinks it speaks to his dick-sucking experience when he manages to get all of Mark down his throat, nosing at the hair at the base. He twists his head a little bit, making a show of taking it all, enjoying the feel of it in his mouth, before humming in satisfaction.

 

The vibrations must do something to Mark, because he’s threading his other hand in Yukhei’s hair and holding his head there and-- oh _wow,_ this is so fucking great. Having his mouth full of dick, and being held in place like a personal cock-warmer is doing something to Yukhei’s brain because his body sags forward, shoulders pressing into Mark’s thighs, as he lets himself go.

 

Eventually, Mark pulls Yukhei back, and he pops off Mark’s dick with a truly disgusting _slurp._ He doesn’t have time to wipe at the drool at the corner of his mouth or even _breathe,_ really, because Mark is shoving him down again, onto his dick, and Yukhei goes happily.

 

It feels like Yukhei’s not even doing anything-- just concentrating on breathing through his nose and not gagging as Mark moves his head up and down his length. _Yes, yes yes,_ this is exactly what Yukhei wants. He’s not sure whether this sudden forcefulness is coming from a place of innate dominance or sloppy enthusiasm. Either way, he’ll take it.

 

“ _Fuck, Xuxi, baby--_ ” Mark groans, and _holy shit,_ there are actual tears in Yukhei’s eyes. He feels like he might throw up from happiness, at the feeling of _content, safe, loved_ that unfurls in his chest as Mark babbles on and on, probably not realizing he just made Yukhei’s entire _year._

 

Yukhei increases the pressure of his lips around Mark’s length, making it harder for Mark to move his head, but the feeling must be excruciatingly good, because Mark tosses his head back and just _moans,_ a beautiful, low sound that makes Yukhei feel like he could come from just that sound alone.

 

He scrambles to move his hand to Mark’s balls and fondles them, tongue and lips working furiously to bring Mark to the very edge. Mark kicks his feet out, an aborted movement meant to alleviate the intensity of what Yukhei is doing, but the heel of his foot ends up pressing against Yukhei’s crotch. He leaves it there, not noticing, but he presses his foot down harder and harder when Yukhei does something _exactly right._

 

Mark comes without warning, and Yukhei chokes on it, trying to balance the suddenness of his own orgasm with the jizz being shot down his throat. He pulls back from Mark with a pop and coughs, covering his mouth with the back of his hand like it’ll keep all the come inside his mouth.

 

“What the fuck was that, Xuxi?” Mark asks, face red, eyes unfocused.

 

“Heh,” is Yukhei’s only intelligent response, leaning forward again to rest his forehead against Mark’s bare thigh. He feels all lightheaded and floaty, and he kinda just wants to stay like this forever. Mark’s fingers go to run through his hair again, and he all but _purrs_ in happiness.

 

It’s quiet and still for a minute, with both of them coming down from their respective highs. But then the come in Yukhei’s boxers starts to dry up, and it’s too itchy to ignore, so he has to shift and get up.

 

Mark’s eyes are wide as he tracks Yukhei’s movement. “What about…”

 

They both look down at the now dark spot at the front of Yukhei’s precious Adidas track pants. “...It’s fine,” Yukhei says quickly, ears burning. Mark averts his eyes quickly and gets up.

 

“I’m gonna just-- get you something to wear--” And he’s already running out, leaving Yukhei to deal with the embarrassment on his own. Normal-Mark is back, the moment is gone, and so is Yukhei’s courage to speak up about what just happened. Odds are, Mark hadn’t even noticed that Yukhei went down like a sack of potatoes as soon as Mark called him baby.

 

He sighs quietly and starts waddling over to the bathroom, cursing his stupid dick.

 

\--

 

“Yukhei, that’s not healthy,” Dejun says, eyebrows furrowed in concern. Yukhei likes his eyebrows a lot, but not when they’re being used for judgment.

 

“It wasn’t even that serious--”

 

“If you go into subspace, you need aftercare. That’s non-negotiable.” Dejun’s voice is quiet, like it always is, but firm. It makes Yukhei want to stop slouching, and to go home immediately and vacuum his carpet.

 

He glances over at YangYang, who is no doubt texting Renjun the play-by-play under the table, then at Guanheng, who is just staring intently, eyes calculating. Out of the three, Yukhei understands Guanheng the least. Maybe it’s because he always looks so mysterious and hardly speaks up. Or maybe it’s his shiny sports car.

 

“What is it about telling Mark that makes you afraid?”

 

Yukhei blinks. “Me? Afraid? I’m not afraid!” He’s not afraid. He’s not! Why would he be?

 

Guanheng tilts his head, face impassive in a way that reminds Yukhei of Sicheng, but his eyes are significantly warmer, understanding. “You think if you’re honest with Mark, he’ll reject you.”

 

“No I’m not!” Yukhei’s voice is suspiciously high-pitched. They’d met up for coffee, and Yukhei doesn’t know how him jokingly mentioning his sex life has turned into a deep psychological analysis.

 

Guanheng and Dejun share a look that Yukhei, frankly, doesn’t know how to decipher. Meanwhile YangYang is watching the exchange with sudden interest, like he’s observing a basketball game and not the sudden, excruciating disintegration of Yukhei’s defensive armor.

 

“Yukhei,” Dejun starts gently, because of the three, he really is the most gentle, even though the first time Yukhei met him, he sincerely thought Dejun was a serial killer. (It was the eyebrows.)

 

“I know where you’re coming from, okay? I’ve been there.” Dejun looks so serious that Yukhei can’t even try to look away. “You probably think you have to act a certain way because of how you look--”

 

“What does that even mean?” Yukhei croaks, tongue feeling like sandpaper.

 

“Dude, pretty sure anyone who looks at you thinks _Daddy Dom,_ ” YangYang interjects-- it’s the first thing he’s contributed to the conversation, and Yukhei’s face flames with embarrassment.

 

“But I don’t-- It’s not what--”

 

“I know,” Dejun says, voice still gentle, and he shoots YangYang a look of disapproval that Kun would be proud of. “But I’m sure you’ve felt some sort of… expectation. To act in a certain way, to please other people.”

 

“But I like pleasing people,” Yukhei says quietly. That’s kind of the whole point of this. He wants to make his partners feel good, to be good _for_ them. It’s not his fault if people mistake that as dominance, just because he can be rough. ( _Enthusiastic Compliance,_ he recalls.)

 

“But it shouldn’t be at the expense of being dishonest with yourself,” Guanheng says. “Sex can be really simple, but it can also get really complicated. It’s a matter of figuring out what you want and finding a partner that you can have an equal exchange with.”

 

“If Mark doesn’t like this part of you, then that’s on him, not on you. You can’t force people to change or accept who you are. But it’s important to be honest at the beginning. Otherwise you’ll both get hurt in the long run,” Dejun concludes.

 

Damn. It wasn’t supposed to be that serious. Yukhei is just fine ignoring his insecurities and abandonment issues, making jokes about what he wants without looking any deeper. He hates feeling bummed out, being anxious, worrying about things that he knows he can’t control.

 

When he wanted to meet up with Dejun, Guanheng, and YangYang, this wasn’t how he expected this conversation to go. They’d all been paired together for a computer programming lab Yukhei’s first year, and for some reason, they’ve stuck around all this time. It’s nice to have people he can hang out with who are his own age, who are just as open to goofing off as Yukhei.

 

He didn’t anticipate them getting to know him to the point that they got to the root of his insecurities. He wasn’t anticipating any truth bombs today and now he feels icky.

 

“I like Mark a lot. I don’t wanna lose him.”

 

“But will you still like him even when you’re hiding a part of who you are?” Jesus. Why is Guanheng so talkative today? Yukhei’s had enough, so he starts packing up his barely-touched lunch.

 

“It’s just sex, guys. It’s not that serious.” He tries to laugh, to relieve the tension in his chest, but he feels like shit and everything he says feels like a lie. Of course it’s that serious. Mark is the first person Yukhei has felt safe and comfortable around to even _entertain_ these specific fantasies.

 

“It’s not just sex, Xuxi-- This matters to you--”

 

Even YangYang suddenly looks concerned, and he hardly worries about anything. Yukhei doesn’t meet their eyes.

 

“Just drop it, guys, I’ll figure it out.” He gets up, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. “Thanks for listening.” And then he’s off, heading nowhere in particular, and feeling like he just got stomped on.

 

It’s not his friends’ faults, really. They were as gentle as they could be about it, but Yukhei doesn’t like to acknowledge this particular can worms. He really likes Mark-- could maybe even grow to really love him, if they’re together that long. He doesn’t want to ruin this, he doesn’t want to disappoint Mark or scare him off.

 

 _Ugh._ One of Yukhei’s least favorite things is an angst fest. Just then, his phone vibrates in his pocket with a text.

 

**From: NaNa (Na Jaemin)**

party this friday night. 10 pm. u in?

 

The timing couldn’t be better. It’s the best distraction Yukhei can think of.

 

**To: NaNa (Na Jaemin)**

hell yes

 

\--

 

Yukhei is four shots of tequila in when Mark shows up to the party. He blames those four shots when he sees Mark and all he can say is, “Wow. Can I eat you?”

 

Mark blushes cutely, which is unfair, because he already looks so devastatingly handsome, and Yukhei wants to muss up his hair, bite down his throat, get on his knees--

 

“Babe, how drunk are you?” Mark asks, reaching his hands up to cup Yukhei’s face and pull him down for a firm kiss in lieu of a greeting.

 

“Not drunk,” Yukhei murmurs against his mouth. Mark smells so good, like shampoo and cologne, and he’s so into it that he can’t help but hold Mark closer and deepen the kiss, sloppy and a little rough. But Mark gets the message, sinking into him, wrapping his arms around Yukhei’s shoulder and opening up beautifully.

 

“Get a room, you guys. Or a closet. I don’t care.” They pull apart to watch Jaemin stepping into the kitchen, bending down to grab two bottles of beer from a cooler. Mark laughs sheepishly and steps back, never really one for PDA. Yukhei feels like he’s crashing from a high.

 

Jaemin glares at Yukhei, like this is all his fault, before stepping out of the kitchen. As the door swings closed Yukhei manages to see someone in a bedsheet toga and laurel wreath, about to slide down the staircase railing.

 

“Shot?” Mark asks, handing Yukhei a glass filled with Jameson. Yukhei thanks him and throws it back quickly, so used to the burn that it barely even registers anymore. Though any amount of alcohol makes him honest, it’ll take way more than this to even get him tipsy. So his eyes are laser-focused on Mark’s throat as he swallows the drink, wincing as he puts the shot glass down on the counter.

 

“Don’t even know why I drink this stuff,” Mark mumbles, grimacing.

 

“It’s cuz you’re so cute when you’re drunk,” Yukhei teases, pulling Mark back into him by the hips, and pecks his nose.

 

“Shut up,” Mark says, slapping his chest in annoyance, but his eyes sparkle. “I’m not cute.”

 

“You’re right,” Yukhei concedes, before dipping his head down and pressing his mouth against Mark’s neck. He feels Mark’s pulse jump against his lips. “You’re so fucking sexy.”

 

Mark makes an aborted noise, twisting his fingers into Yukhei’s shirt and tugging him closer. Yukhei wants nothing more than to press Mark against the counter and sneak his hands up the buttondown Mark is wearing, to muss up the hair he clearly worked so hard to style.

 

“Later,” Mark says, pulling Yukhei away. His only consolation is that Mark doesn’t look any happier about it than Yukhei feels. “It’ll look bad if we dip after five minutes.”

 

Yukhei barely suppresses a whine. “Jaemin won’t _care._ ”

 

Mark reaches up to smoosh Yukhei’s cheeks between his hands. “Well _I_ care, you big baby.”

 

“But I’m _your_ big baby. Right?” Oh boy. Yukhei is really toeing the line tonight. He sounds way too needy.

 

Mark’s soft smile turns a fraction sharper, and it’s enough to feel like he’s got his fingers on top of Yukhei’s windpipe. “You’re my baby.” It’s too much. Yukhei is going to cry. No one’s ever wanted Yukhei to be _theirs_ like this. Are they moving too fast? Is it too much. Where are they again? “My big baby, I mean--” Mark stumbles to amend, like that’ll make it sound less intense than it just felt.

 

Mark’s face is red, and he steps back, out of Yukhei’s hold, and it feels like Mark is shutting down right in front of him. And clearly, the universe has an Anti-Baby Boy Agenda tonight, because a group of Mark’s acquaintances stumble into the kitchen, in search of drinks, and they drag Mark into the conversation, effectively putting a nail in that particular coffin.

 

Yukhei’s normally very sociable, but he’s got a lot on his mind tonight, so his efforts to engage in the conversation are half-hearted. Mark doesn’t seem to really notice, too busy talking to Yerim, so Yukhei mumbles an excuse and walks off in search of a distraction.

 

Whatever EDM remix they’re playing through the speakers isn’t bad, and the vibrations settle in Yukhei’s bones. He worms his way through the crowd of people, waving and chatting with people he knows (which ends up being quite a large number). Somehow, by the end of it all, he ends up sitting on a couch next to Jeno Lee, who Yukhei is pretty sure is Jaemin’s boyfriend. There’s a calico cat and a heep of tissues on his lap.

 

“Whoa, can I pet?” Yukhei asks. Jeno smiles at him, sniffling like crazy, and nods. The cat barely notices Yukhei as he strokes the silky fur, instantly more relaxed than he was minutes ago. “What’s their name?”

 

“Jaemin said we could only adopt him if we named him Troy Bolton but I just call him Bongsik.” Jeno picks up a tissue and blows his nose.

 

“Hi Bongshik,” Yukhei murmurs, before glancing at Jeno in concern. “Are you sick?”

 

Jeno shakes his head. “Allergic.”

 

A whole host of questions flit through Yukhei’s mind but he decides against asking any of them. There are so many things he’s done that he definitely should not have done, so he doesn’t think it’s worth it. Anyways, Jeno looks pretty satisfied. Bongshik finally decides to acknowledge Yukhei and blinks at him sleepily. “Not like, a cat expert or anything, but doesn’t the sound bother him?”

 

Jeno grins. “He was born deaf so it’s fine. Weirdly enough he doesn’t mind the parties.” He shifts and scoops Bongshik up, handing him over. Yukhei feels like it’s fucking Christmas when Bongshik kneads his paws into his thigh, then settles in his lap.

 

“This is so _great,_ ” Yukhei says earnestly, wiggling a finger under Bongshik’s chin. The cat apparently doesn’t like that very much, and bats Yukhei’s hand away. “Sorry little dude.” He smiles at Jeno sheepishly, and finds himself on the receiving end of a contemplative look.

 

“You know, you’re nothing like what I thought.”

 

Yukhei laughs nervously. “That’s kinda random. In a good way or a bad way?”

 

Jeno grins, and wow, he’s really cute. No wonder Jaemin’s so into him. “Good, of course.” Yukhei has to blink several times to refocus. “I just thought you’d be one of those dudebro assholes, you know?”

 

“I think I’m kinda a dudebro but I hope I’m not an asshole?”

 

“You’re really not. You’re so sweet.”

 

Yukhei feels himself blushing down to his toes. “Uh. Thanks.” He ducks his head down, petting Bongshik with renewed fervour.

 

“I think you’re really good for him.”

 

That makes Yukhei look up. “Really?”

  
Jeno nods. “I’ve known Mark a really long time and he hasn’t had it easy. He always takes things too seriously. But he smiles more around you. He’s more open and you really cheer him up.”

 

 _How to Be a Fucking Fantastic Personal Cheerleader,_ Yukhei decides, will complete his autobiographical trilogy. He wants the last thing he ever says to be, “You’re doing amazing sweetie.”

 

“I-I’m glad,” Yukhei says, because the thoughts are moving too quickly in his brain that he can’t really process anything. That’s all he’s ever really wanted. To be good for someone. To be good _to_ someone. Receiving that validation, despite it’s unlikely source, is exactly what Yukhei needs to bounce back from this slump.

 

Jeno opens his mouth to say something, but his gaze refocuses on something behind Yukhei’s shoulder. He smirks. “Speak of the devil.”

 

“Hey babe,” Mark murmurs against Yukhei’s ear, and it’s all he can do to suppress the full-body shiver at the sound of his voice. “What’re you guys talking about?”

 

“Our sordid sex lives,” Jeno says, his sweet smile turning diabolical. “Yukhei was telling me about how you guys finally acted out that one fantasy you have where you--”

 

“Babe why don’t we go dance?” Mark asks, cutting Jeno off quickly, tugging at Yukhei’s arm. He doesn’t miss the scathing glare Mark sends Jeno’s way.

 

“Uh-- okay--” Yukhei lifts Bongshik gently from his lap and hands him off to Jeno. Mark all but drags him away, and Yukhei only manages to wave goodbye before he loses sight of Jeno. To Yukhei’s surprise, they walk past the dance floor completely and end up in an abandoned hallway, away from the crowd and the music.

 

“What was Jeno talking about?” Yukhei asks, curiosity getting the better of him. Mark rolls his eyes and shoves Yukhei up against the wall. _Please, daddy,_ is the errant thought that runs through Yukhei’s mind.

 

“He’s just trying to start shit. Don’t take him seriously.” Mark leans in to kiss Yukhei, and his mouth tastes like he’s had some sort of spiked punch, and if the clumsy way Mark runs his hands down Yukhei’s sides is any indication, he’s had quite a bit of it.

 

Yukhei enjoys the lazy kissing for a while, but he can’t let this go. He has a habit of hyperfixation anyway. He pulls away to say, “You know if there’s something you wanna try, I’m down for it.” He hopes Mark knows he’s being honest and won’t ever judge him.

 

(A part of him wishes he could be brave enough to share what he wants too.)

 

Mark looks Yukhei dead in the eye, and his mouth is kiss-swollen, stray locks of midnight black hair hanging over his forehead. It’s too sexy-- Yukhei is a goner. “Really down for anything?” His voice is low, breath ghosting over Yukhei’s lips. Yukhei is sure if Mark told him to kiss his feet, he’d do it without hesitating.

 

“Whatever you want,” Yukhei says, and it feels like the most honest thing he’s said so far tonight. Second most honest-- he still really wants to eat Mark. Mark’s lips curl up into a grin, something mischievous in his eyes, and he leans in again for a kiss. Yukhei tilts his head down to meet him halfway, and it’s so so good.

 

The kiss is slow, luxurious, open-mouthed, with a little too much tongue, but Yukhei wants it, wants all of it. His hands slide down Mark’s back to grope his ass, pull him closer. Mark hums into the kiss, one hand at the back of Yukhei’s neck, the other stroking up and down his chest, feeling him up.

 

The heat builds slowly, almost painfully, and it’s hard to discern where he begins and Mark ends. He feels small jolts of pleasure every time Mark’s palm rubs over his nipples, and it’s all he can do not to rut against the thigh Mark has wedged between his legs.

 

Beyond the haze of lust, Yukhei barely registers the hand Mark had at the back of his neck sliding down, fingers grazing over his throat, sliding down his stomach, before hooking onto Yukhei’s belt. The sound of the buckle being undone is what snaps Yukhei out of it. He pulls back from the kiss to look at Mark, pulse hammering in his chest.

 

“W-What’re you doing--” he manages to choke out, while Mark unzips his jeans.

 

“Tell me if you want me to stop,” is the only response he gets back, and, _holy shit--_ are they really going to do this? In public? Mark ducks his head, and with no warning, bites down on Yukhei’s neck so hard he yelps, hips bucking up.

 

“Shh,” Mark murmurs, snickering and sounding all too pleased with himself. It’s so hot. Yukhei is going to die. It feels like an eternity passes before Mark slides his hand down Yukhei’s pants, finally gripping his length in his hand.

 

“ _M-Mark--_ ” Yukhei gasps out, not knowing whether to stay still or try to get away from the grip that has become almost punishingly tight. It’s like he can feel every knuckle of Mark’s bony fingers digging into his flesh “ _Ungh--”_

 

Ever so slowly, Mark works his hand up Yukhei’s length, then down again. It’s too dry for the slide to be smooth, but somehow it feels perfect that way. Yukhei’s head thumps back against the wall, exposing his throat, and Mark goes to town, biting and sucking and licking until Yukhei’s skin is sure to be a mess of bruises.

 

Yukhei hears voices down the hall, and his body tenses. “M-Mark, babe--” he tries, trying to get away from the hand, but Mark just leans in closer, pressing a bruising kiss to Yukhei’s mouth as he continues to jerk him off.

 

Something about the fact that Mark seems completely unbothered about being found with his hands down Yukhei’s pants makes Yukhei dizzy, his knees weak. He feels like he could come just from this-- the dry friction of Mark’s fingers, the taste of his tongue in Yukhei’s mouth, the bass vibrating through the walls and against Yukhei’s back.

 

Mark pulls back suddenly, and Yukhei chases after his mouth desperately, only to be stopped with a finger to his lips. “Let’s find a room,” Mark says, something quite satisfied in his gaze as he looks over Yukhei. He must look like a total mess, bruised and undone, but it seems to make Mark happy, and that might be Yukhei’s biggest kink of them all.  

 

After making themselves (slightly) more presentable, Yukhei lets Mark tug him up the stairs in search of a vacant guest bedroom, because Jaemin is rich enough to have those, apparently. They find one fairly quickly, and Yukhei is so far gone that he barely registers being shoved onto the bed until Mark straddles him, caging Yukhei’s hips with his thighs.

 

Mark looks kind of like a fallen angel. That’s the best metaphor Yukhei’s two remaining brain cells can come up with as Mark makes quick work of the buttons on his shirt. Yukhei’s always thought Mark was cute-- his face is small and narrow, eyes wide with constant wonder. But the eyeliner smudged under his waterline, the way his hair is so expertly tousled, the way the moonlight from the window reflects against the sharp planes of Mark’s stomach-- he looks like sin.

 

Yukhei has never had very good self-restraint. The fact that he’s made it this far in their relationship without spilling the metaphorical beans is a true Christmas miracle. But with Mark hovering over him like this, eyes dark with lust and intent-- what the hell is Yukhei supposed to do? Say nothing?

 

“Fuck me,” he ends up blurting out, and Mark, who had been leaning down for a kiss, recoils so fast it looks like it must have hurt.

 

Yukhei watches the color drain from Mark’s face, and suddenly, the room is too small, too hot, too much. The lust, previously ready to spill over, fizzles out so quickly that Yukhei is dizzy from it.

 

“What?” Mark asks, still balking.

 

“What?” Yukhei sits up quickly, backing up to put some distance between them.

 

“ _What?_ ”

 

Yukhei can’t do this. He can’t keep looking at Mark’s shell-shocked face, can’t face the inevitable disappointment, the shame. “Just realized I have a physics assignment due at midnight,” he lies, badly.

 

He scoots off the bed and almost eats shit trying to stand up, because his legs won’t function properly.

 

“Yukhei--”

 

“It’s really important, worth like fifteen percent of my grade! Can’t believe I forgot! Haha stupid me--” Yukhei rambles, making sure his pants are zipped up (he’s had enough humiliation for one day, thank you very much), and that his phone and wallet are in his pockets. “Anyways, gotta blast!”

 

And Yukhei runs out of there, ignoring Mark calling after him, because in true Yukhei Wong fashion, he’s proven himself incapable of being careful, and ruined something precious.

 

\--

 

It takes a week of silence for Yukhei to cave.

 

Every time his phone chimes with a text alert, he’s afraid he’s going to get an inevitable text that reads:

 

**From: MARK LEE IN DA HOUSE**

we should probably break up bro

 

Yukhei’s not sure what’ll hurt more: breaking up or being Mark’s bro. But that text never comes. Mark is radio silent, which is really rude, but it’s not like Yukhei’s chatty either. They just sort of… circle around each other and don’t talk.

 

It is, quite literally, the worst thing ever. Yukhei’s always made it a point to stay on good terms with his exes and flings. The thought of leaving things awkward and unspoken with Mark doesn’t sit right with him.

 

So here he is, standing in front of the apartment of one Donghyuck Lee. Who is not only Renjun’s boyfriend, but also Mark’s little brother. Yukhei lives in a very small world.

 

He shifts the weight on his feet, anxiety coiling in his stomach as he waits for someone to answer. He wonders if Renjun was lying about Donghyuck being home, just to humiliate Yukhei further.

 

(“Why are you asking me? You have his phone number. Text him yourself,” Renjun says.

 

“But he _scares_ me,” Yukhei whines, hoping to convey the sheer amount of terror he feels at the idea of initiating conversation with Donghyuck.

 

“As you should be,” Renjun says ominously. His canines suddenly look a lot sharper than Yukhei remembers. Clearly Donghyuck and Renjun deserve each other; they’re both demons and have it out for Yukhei.)

 

It takes a solid twenty seven seconds for Donghyuck to answer the door, and Yukhei is seized by momentary panic when the younger boy leans against the doorway, and says, “I was wondering when you’d show up.”

 

“Here I am,” Yukhei says weakly, with sad jazz hands. Donghyuck looks Yukhei up and down, eyebrows raised in judgement exactly the way Renjun does-- maybe that’s what happens when people live together. Finally, Donghyuck opens the door wider and lets Yukhei in.

 

**To: MOM**

kun ge im going into a dangerous person’s house im texting u to let u know that if i dont text again in the next two hours pls call the cops i was probably killed

 

**From: MOM**

YUKHEI WONG WHAT DO YOU MEAN

 

**From: MOM**

ANSWER ME YUKHEI

 

Yukhei pockets his phone, satisfied that a two hour window will give the police time to either apprehend Donghyuck during the act crime or at least find Yukhei’s body before Donghyuck has time to dispose of it. He toes off his shoes and trails behind Donghyuck as he walks into the kitchen.

 

“I’m making tea,” he says, already filling the kettle with water before Yukhei can answer. Yukhei isn’t a tea person but he knows he can’t exactly refuse, so he slides pitifully onto one of the stools at the kitchen counter and rests his chin on the counter.

 

“So… are you gonna just sit there moping or are you gonna tell me what happened?” Yukhei looks up to see Donghyuck staring back at him, leaning back against the counter and using the judgemental eyebrow raise again. Yukhei really hates the judgemental eyebrow raise.

 

“Mark didn’t tell you?”

 

Donghyuck rolls his eyes like he can’t believe Yukhei is this stupid. “Despite the rumors about me, I’m not actually a mind reader, Yukhei.” He shrugs. “Besides, Mark only overshares when he’s completely toasted. So, no. I don’t know why Mark’s been walking around like his dog died.”

 

“Mark had a dog?” Was their relationship filled only with secrets and lies?

 

Donghyuck reaches over for a dishrag specifically to whack Yukhei over the head with it. “Jesus, are you stupid?” Yukhei knows that’s a rhetorical question. His stupidity is legendary. So he stays quiet, rubbing his head and pouting. “Are you gonna tell me or not?”

 

Yukhei wants to sink into the ground. With the way he’s hunched over the counter, he figures he’s already halfway there. “Uhm. At Jaemin’s party on Friday… there was. A miscommunication.”

 

“A miscommunication,” Donghyuck repeats, turning his back to Yukhei when the electric kettle turns off. Somehow, not having Donghyuck’s attention on him makes it easier to talk.

 

“Yes. I uh--” Yukhei stops for a second to consider the reality of the situation. “Are you sure you wanna hear about your brother’s sex life?”

 

Donghyuck throws Yukhei a glance over his shoulder as he pours water into two mugs. “I already know too much.”

 

“Okay, well. We were… gonna have sex and then I--” Yukhei feels kind of nauseous. “I asked Mark if he wanted to top.”

 

A bright yellow mug is placed in front of him. “That’s it?” Donghyuck asks, sliding into the stool across from him.

 

“He looked at me like I was crazy!” Yukhei curls tighter into himself, unable to stop the images from flashing in his head. He’s never going to forget the way Mark’s face paled, the way he reeled back like Yukhei was disgusting.

 

Donghyuck’s eyebrows pull together, like he’s not sure what to say. “Couples can switch, Yukhei, you know that right? Like it isn’t crazy for you to want Mark to top.”

 

Yukhei shrugs, eyes trained on the way the steam curls out from the top of the mug. “No one… no one’s ever asked me before.” And that makes him sound pitiful, so he hastens to clarify. “I mean like-- I guess when I hook up with people they only really want one thing from me. And-- and it’s _fine,_ right? Like sex is great I love topping and it’s not a big deal but like--”

 

Yukhei’s tongue feels like it’s glued to the roof of his mouth, but now that he’s started talking, he has to keep going, otherwise he won’t have the courage to finish. “I like Mark. So much. We’re _dating,_ you know? It’s like. Fucking incredible and it’s not just a hookup. He-- he likes _me,_ you know? Not just who I am in bed.”

 

Donghyuck’s eyes are unreadable, but he nods, and it encourages Yukhei to keep going.

 

“And it’s like… when you’re dating there’s just so much _more,_ like you don’t just have to do this one thing, you can share things that you wouldn’t tell strangers you hook up with, you know? And I just… I want things-- things that I’ve never been brave enough to ask about because I didn’t think it mattered but now it does and just-- people look at me and they think they know what they’re getting and I’m-- I’m just really scared that if I’m honest Mark will-- he’ll realize that I’m not what he wants.”

 

It takes a second of lightheadedness for Yukhei to realize he’s barely taken a breath. He feels like he’s actually going to throw up now, so he grabs his mug of tea and takes a scalding sip, but the burn is enough to ground him. And the more he drinks, the more he starts to appreciate the taste.

 

“Oh, you poor thing,” Donghyuck sighs, reaching out to take Yukhei’s hand and squeeze it. “You absolute cinnamon roll sugar plum fairy cupcake gumdrop.”

 

“What.”

 

“Listen to me very carefully, okay?” Donghyuck leans in close, face set seriously. “I am qualified to give this advice because I have a PhD in Mark Lee, okay?” Yukhei nods and leans in too, eyes wide. “Just tell him how you feel.”

 

Yukhei lets out a deep sigh and pulls back. “I told you already, I _can’t--_ ”

 

“No, no, _listen,_ Yukhei. I can’t tell you a lot, because I’m not going to interfere with your relationship and you need to put your big boy pants on. But I’m _telling you,_ don’t worry. If you talk to him, it won’t go the way you think, okay? It won’t. I promise.”

 

The sincerity in Donghyuck’s voice is very strange to hear, but it soothes the ache in Yukhei’s chest a little. “Okay,” he says quietly.

 

“Good.” Donghyuck nods, leaning back. “And now you owe me unlimited boba for a month.”

 

“ _What?_ That’s blackmail, dude!”

 

“No it’s not. It’s payment for services rendered,” Donghyuck says, like Yukhei should have seen this coming from a mile away. Maybe he should have. Donghyuck is a sneaky little shit and it’s almost admirable how well he finesses in these kinds of situations. He just wishes he wasn’t the one always getting scammed. “I just saved your relationship from sinking into the Atlantic Ocean.”

 

Yukhei groans, knowing he’s just going to keep getting harassed until he caves. “Fine. But just you. Renjun doesn’t get any of it.”

 

Donghyuck tilts his head back and forth, considering, before nodding. “That’s fair.” He sticks his hand out and Yukhei shakes it. Donghyuck Lee is a dangerous dude, but he might have just changed the game.

 

\--

 

It takes Yukhei longer than he wants to admit to, as Donghyuck had said, “put his big boy pants on.” It’s not until that next Monday, when the second year he tutors in physics has to ask him the same question about a serial circuit three times, that he decides enough is enough.

 

He apologizes to Jisung and promises to make it up to him on Wednesday when they meet up again, before running out of the library like a bat out of hell. If he completely disregards the school’s No Skateboards Until 5 PM rule, he can just make it in time for Mark’s sociology lecture to end.

 

Yukhei manages to run into planters twice, and by sheer dumb luck, notices campus security writing up a ticket for a bicyclist around one corner and hops off his waveboard, tucking it under his arm and pretending like he totally wasn’t breaking any and all campus speed laws as he walks by. Sometimes the universe _is_ on his side. He takes it as a good sign.

 

He just barely manages to get to the lecture hall as the first stream of students are leaving, and resists the urge to bite his nails as he keeps an eye out for Mark.

 

It feels like someone punched him in the gut when Mark finally comes out. He’s got his eyes glued to his phone, and even though Yukhei will swear Mark is the hottest guy in the universe, right now, he looks tired and pale.

 

“Mark!” Yukhei calls out, waving his hand like a maniac, even though he knows the sheer volume of his voice alone has probably broken the sound barrier. Mark looks up, startled, and it feels like a double whammy when his expression completely closes off, lips pressed into a grim line.

 

“Hi,” Yukhei says, trying to grin his way through the awkwardness, but Mark is silent, not giving him anything, and-- yeah, he deserves it. “I uhm-- Can we talk?”

 

Mark looks at Yukhei for a long time, like he’s picking apart very thread that holds him together. Finally, he sighs. “Sure.” He adjusts the strap of his backpack and narrows his eyes. “But I need to eat.”

  
“Yeah sure, whatever you want,” Yukhei says, nodding earnestly. Mark sets off without another word, and Yukhei trails after them, the tension thick and marred with a sense of defeat. Yukhei isn’t used to being quiet, but he doesn’t want to push more than he already has. His fingers twitch, resisting the urge to throw his arm around Mark’s shoulders and pull him into his side.

 

They end up at the Panda Express a block from campus without saying a word. Mark orders his usual, and before he can take out his wallet, Yukhei’s already sliding in front of the cashier with his most charming smile and his credit card held out.

 

“Thanks,” Mark mumbles, grabbing his tray and searching for a place to sit. It’s an awkward time of day-- too late for lunch, too early for dinner, so there aren’t that many people around. Mark slides into a booth in the back, and Yukhei sits across from him.

 

“So. What did you want to talk about?” Mark asks, snapping his fortune cookie in half. He reads the fortune on the paper, before grimacing and putting it down.

 

“I uh... “ Yukhei glances around warily. “Are you sure you want to talk about it here?” Mark just shrugs at takes a bite of fried rice. Yukhei clears his throat. He didn’t anticipate making his confession over fake Chinese food but his life has been taking many twists and turns these days.

 

“Okay, well, first, I’m-- I’m really _really_ sorry. For leaving you at the party like that, and ghosting you.” Yukhei watches Mark take a bite of orange chicken.

 

“Why _did_ you do that, Yukhei? It wasn’t cool.”

 

Yukhei swallows nervously, fiddling with a loose thread on his hoodie. “I just-- there’s been something on my mind for a while and I just-- I freaked out.”

 

Mark puts his fork down suddenly, eyes wide. “Is this cuz of the hallway? Cuz I swear I wouldn’t have done it if I knew you’d be uncomfortable--”

 

“ _No,_ Mark, that’s-- no. That’s not it--” Yukhei shakes his head vehemently. “I mean. It is? But not in the way you think? I mean-- No, the hallway thing-- I liked-- I _loved_ that, actually but uhm.” Here goes nothing. “When we got to the bedroom, and I asked you to fuck me. I just-- You looked like I just slapped you or something.” Yukhei ducks his head again, afraid to meet Mark’s eyes.

 

“Is that what made you upset?” Mark asks, his voice the gentlest it’s been this entire conversation. “You thought I didn’t want to top you?” It makes Yukhei feel safe enough to look up and nod a little. “I-- I’m sorry if I looked freaked out, Xuxi. I promise I wasn’t. I was just. Shocked? I guess? I didn’t think you’d be into that.”

 

“Because of how I look?” It sounds almost bitter, because that’s the root of it, isn’t it? Yukhei looks like a cocky fuckboy, the very opposite of cute submissive he’s always wanted to be. It’s not really anyone’s fault if they make assumptions based on how he acts, is it?

 

Mark shrugs. “Well… sort of? I mean, I wanted to try switching eventually, I was just kinda waiting to bring it up. I was fine with things how they were, but I didn’t think it’d just be the same dynamic forever. I dunno. We’ve only been dating a month Yukhei.” And that’s a fair point. “We don’t know everything about each other yet, and we won’t for a long time, I mean--” Mark looks forlorn as he stabs a piece of chicken. “If we’re still together, that is.”

 

“Do you wanna break up?” Yukhei asks, startled. He feels like he’s going to drown in the sudden anxiety.

 

Mark frowns. “What? No, I thought _you_ wanted to break up. You’re the one who ghosted me for like a week and a half.”

 

Yukhei slouches, letting out a deep breath. “No, Mark. I-- that’s like, the _last_ thing I wanna do. I like you so much. More than I’ve ever liked anyone before.” Seeing the corner of Mark’s lip twitch up makes everything feel worth it.

 

“I’m really really sorry for ghosting you. I just-- I needed to build up the courage to be honest with you. About stuff.”

 

“Stuff,” Mark repeats. Yukhei nods. “What kind of stuff?” His eyes bulge. “Wait-- you’re not like. A furry, are you? Cuz like, that’s cool and I accept you for who you are, but I’m not really into that kinda thing--”

 

“Mark I’m not a furry!”

 

Okay, that was too loud. Yukhei looks around, and the few people eating have stopped to stare. The girl working the register is leaning over the counter to try and see too. Mark slaps a hand over his mouth to cover his smile, and Yukhei sinks so far down in his seat that his eyes become level with the table.

 

“I’ll never be able to eat Panda Express again,” Yukhei bemoans.

 

Mark hums. “That’s too bad. Their cream cheese wontons are pretty good.”

 

“I love cream cheese wontons,” Yukhei says sadly.

 

“I know. I was there when you ate like thirty and threw them back up at that shitty buffet downtown.” Mark is grinning full-on now, and wow, it feels like the sun has come out to shine once again on Yukhei’s miserable life. His crops? Watered.

 

“Mark, I think I’m a sub,” Yukhei blurts, finally, after running around in circles for so long. “I don’t just want you to top. I want you to be my dom. Sometimes. Not all the time cuz that’d probably be kinda exhausting. But like, sometimes. And, yeah.”

 

It takes a few seconds for Mark to stop gaping like a fish, at which point he puts his fork down, and says, “Oh, thank _fuck._ ”

 

And, okay, that wasn’t what Yukhei was expecting, but Donghyuck _had_ warned him that this conversation wasn’t going to go the way he thought. Maybe he should also buy a lottery ticket, while he’s at it.

 

“What.”

 

Mark lets out a laugh that sounds more like a wheeze, and he rubs his eyes, shaking his head. “Xuxi-- the first time I met you, all I could think about was, _wow,_ he’d look gorgeous tied down to my bed, getting fucked.”

 

“That’s so romantic, oh my god,” Yukhei breathes, a shiver running down his spine. “I want that, Mark. I want it so much. I’m already starting to get turned on--”

 

“Okay, slow down,” Mark snickers. “We still need to talk about this. Like, safewords, kinks, hard and soft limits. We need to take it seriously.”

 

“I know I know I _know,_ ” Yukhei says, ready to vibrate out of his seat. “But can we do that, like. Later? Right now I _really_ want you to pin me down and fuck me. Please,” he tacks on at the end, for good measure. Because he’s a really good boy.

 

Mark narrows his eyes. “We haven’t even done anything and you’re already being a brat.”

 

That makes Yukhei’s whole body seize up. He opens his mouth, but no sound comes out, so he just sits there, face blazing, while Mark smirks at him. “Cute,” he murmurs. Yukhei whines, hiding his face in his arms. He’s not sure if he’s this affected because no one’s done this to him before, or because his brain really was made for this, but he loves it so much.

 

\--

 

When Yukhei slams Mark back against his apartment door, he attributes less to the promise of what’s to come and more to just missing Mark so much he _ached_ from it. Not being able to be around Mark for so long, though it was his own doing, had made the terror of losing him for good that much more acute.

 

“Xuxi-- babe--” Mark breathes out, between the bruising kisses Yukhei presses to his lips. “Calm _down--_ ”

 

“Don’t wanna,” Yukhei murmurs, trailing is open mouth down Mark’s jaw, down to his neck, and works on sucking a bruise into the skin. He thinks he might totally lose his mind, wanting to savor the taste of Mark’s skin between his teeth, the smell of laundry detergent and coffee that clings to his skin.

 

Mark huffs a laugh, pushing Yukhei backwards into the apartment while he stays latched to Mark’s neck. After running into the coffee table and knocking their elbows against the walls, they manage to make it to Mark’s room, where Yukhei gets shoved down unceremoniously onto the bed.

 

Yukhei tugs off his hoodie and watches Mark rummage through his closet before coming back to the bed, holding a tie in his hands. Yukhei vaguely recognizes it as the one he wore for his professional fraternity photo. That gets Yukhei thinking about Mark in a suit, and he’s already fully hard in his jeans by the time Mark crawls over him, straddling his hips.

 

“Can I tie you up?” he asks.

 

“ _Please,_ ” Yukhei begs. Mark grins, and Yukhei scoots himself back enough to rest his head on the pillows and put his arms above them, letting Mark tie his wrists to the bedpost. He focuses on the way Mark’s normally neatly combed hair is falling over his eyes, the way his lips press into a thin line as he concentrates.

 

“How does that feel?” Mark asks, leaning back. Yukhei tugs experimentally, and loves the way the material of the tie feels against his skin. It’s not too tight, but not too loose either.

 

“Have you ever done this before?” Yukhei asks.

 

Mark smiles bashfully. “A couple of times.” His expression turns serious. “If you want me to untie you, just say so, okay? I know you’ve never actually done this before so if at any point you feel uncomfortable, just tell me to stop, and I’ll stop.”

 

“Okay,” Yukhei says, appreciating the words more than he thought he would. Mark is taking this so seriously, because Yukhei wants it, and it makes him feel safer than ever. He knows he’s made the right choice.

 

“I have a couple questions for you, okay baby? I need you to answer them honestly.”

 

“I love it when you call me baby,” Yukhei blurts, because he’s totally lost all sense of propriety. “I feel like my spine is gonna melt when you say it.”

 

Mark smiles, clearly amused. “Noted,” he says, running a hand through Yukhei’s hair. “But I haven’t asked you anything yet, cutie.” Mark slips his hands under Yukhei’s shirt and pushes it up slowly to his chin. “I only want you to talk when I ask you something directly. Okay?”

 

“Yes,” Yukhei gasps, unable to help the way his hips buck up when Mark thumbs at his nipples. “I’m s-sorry.”

 

“It’s okay.” Mark runs his hands down his chest, to his abdomen, which tenses reflexively. “Do you want to be good for me?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Mark tilts his head as he drags his nails along the waistline of Yukhei’s jeans. “Do you want to do what I say?” Yukhei only manages to gasp out an affirmation when Mark unbuttons his jeans. “Do you want to be punished when you’re bad?”

 

“Please.” His voice sounds very small, his whole body feels small and fragile, with Mark’s careful hands on his skin, slow and methodical. They haven’t even done anything serious yet, but this is already beyond anything Yukhei imagined he could have.

 

“Good boy.” Yukhei lets out a breathy moan, and Mark leans down to quiet him with a kiss. It’s slow and tender and Yukhei luxuriates in it, opens up more and more for Mark’s tongue. “Here’s what we’re gonna do, baby. I’m gonna open you up with my fingers--” Yukhei’s body shakes with shivers. “And then I’m gonna fuck you. And I want you to try to be quiet.”

 

Yukhei blinks up at Mark blearily. That could be a problem. Two of Yukhei’s defining character traits are: horny and loud. He’s especially loud in bed. Trying to be quiet, especially when the man of his dreams is doing everything he’s fantasized about, will be torture. Sweet, sweet torture.

 

“How does that sound?” Mark asks, waiting patiently for an answer.

 

“I wanna try,” Yukhei says, and it’s all so worth it when Mark smiles down at him, like he’s so proud.

 

“One more question, before I get you naked.” Mark smirks when Yukhei shivers again. “Why did you wait so long to be honest with me?”

 

That throws Yukhei for a loop, because it’s not a very sexy question. But he’s lying here with his hands tied up, in Mark’s bed, hopefully about to get dicked down, so he figures he can’t get any more vulnerable than he already is.

 

“I was-- I was afraid that you wouldn’t want that-- that you’d think I was weird, and you wouldn’t want me anymore.”

 

For a second, Mark’s serious expression wavers, something sad and vulnerable taking its place. “Yukhei… even if-- if I didn’t want that, I would still try it. For you. You know that right? That’s the point of being in a relationship. You try new things for each other.”

 

Yukhei’s heart boner grows a hundred times bigger. If he wasn’t in love with Mark already, he surely is now. “I was just scared,” he says meekly. “It’d hurt too much if you didn’t want me anymore.”

 

“Pretty baby,” Mark coos, stroking Yukhei’s hair back. “Who wouldn’t want you?” He leans in to kiss Yukhei softly, before leaning back, and Yukhei struggles to arch his head up, wanting more. “You’re already so gorgeous… Imagine how beautiful you’ll be when I’ve fucked you.”

 

Yukhei’s heart stutters, and he has to screw his eyes shut, overwhelmed by the wave of emotions that overtake him. He’s too overwhelmed to speak so he stays silent, like Mark asked. Fantasy really doesn’t come close to the real thing.

 

He only dares to look when Mark tugs his jeans and boxers off at the same time, leaving him completely bare save for the shirt rucked up his chest. Mark tugs his own shirt off and pushes the pile of clothes off of the bed, before crawling up Yukhei’s body to kiss him again.

 

The moment Mark gets his tongue in Yukhei’s mouth, Yukhei moans, low and loud, and Mark pulls away with a hand around his throat. “What did I say, baby?”

 

Oh fuck. “S-sorry,” Yukhei says. Mark just hums and kisses him again, briefly, before leaning over him to grab the bottle of lube on his nightstand.

 

“Have you ever fingered yourself?” Mark asks, moving down Yukhei’s body to kneel between his legs. He nudges Yukhei’s knees until Yukhei spreads his legs open. There’s a blush forming, all the way to his toes, from being so vulnerable, but Mark’s gaze lingers on his body with a dark intent that makes the embarrassment worth it.  

 

“All the time,” Yukhei breathes, abs clenching at the sound of the bottle cap being snapped open. Mark makes a noise of satisfaction, squeezing the lube onto his fingers and rubbing them together to warm it up, before teasing his fingers against Yukhei’s rim. He chokes out a moan, toes curling, and it’s enough to make Mark move his hand away.

 

 _Fuck,_ he’s serious about Yukhei being quiet. He’s not gonna get what he so desperately craves if he keeps forgetting the most basic instructions. Yukhei takes a deep breath and focuses on not making any noise as Mark touches him again.

 

It’s simultaneously the best and the worst thing ever, when Mark slides the first finger in, right to the knuckle. Mark’s fingers are too thin for just one to stretch him out, but it’s the principle of the thing, of knowing Mark’s going to fuck him open just like he’s always wanted.

 

“How’s that feel?”

 

“ _Good,_ ” Yukhei breathes out. “I can take another.”

 

“Alright baby.” And then there’s a second finger inside him, and the stretch is just enough to be noticeable now, slightly uncomfortable but fueling the adrenaline coursing through his body. He lets out a shaky breath, but stays quiet. Mark seems to take this as a challenge, because he leans into lick up Yukhei’s cock as he scissors his fingers, and-- _fuck_ that feels good. Yukhei bites his lip to keep from groaning, drowning in the feeling of Mark’s perfect mouth suckling on the head of his dick, lapping at the precum that’s dripped down onto his abdomen.

 

Two fingers become three, and suddenly, Mark hooks them up and grazes Yukhei’s prostate.

 

“ _Ungh--_ ” Yukhei moans, his entire body seizing up, then going limp as Mark takes his fingers out. He kisses along the curve of Yukhei’s hip bones, making no motion to do any different, and Yukhei wants to whine and beg and plead, but knows it’ll only make things worse.

 

Tears of frustration start to pool at the corner of his eyes, and he tugs helplessly at the restraints, but doesn’t make another sound, save for his heaving breaths.

 

“Good boy,” Mark says, smiling into his skin, before pressing his fingers back inside Yukhei, so agonizingly slowly that Yukhei’s brain feels like it’s melting. After a minute, Mark slides a fourth finger in too, because apparently he’s a sadist.

 

“You want me to fuck you now, cutie?” Mark asks, sliding his fingers out and leaning over Yukhei to kiss him. He pulls back to tug off his jeans and boxers, until he’s naked too, and it’s just bare skin on bare skin.

 

“ _Please,_ ” Yukhei begs, body writhing in frustration and want. Mark hums in assent, pressing a kiss to Yukhei’s temple, then reaches over to open nightstand drawer and pull out a condom. Yukhei’s breath comes out short as he tears the wrapper open and smirks. He makes quick work of sliding the condom on and lubing himself up, before settling between Yukhei’s legs again.

 

“Open up for me, babe,” Mark says, helping Yukhei bend his knees and prop his legs open. Yukhei’s heart hammers against his chest when Mark lines himself up, and hovers over Yukhei as he slides in, slow and sweet.

 

“ _Fuck,_ ” Mark hisses, eyes fluttering shut in pleasure, and Yukhei wants to _scream,_ because this is everything he’s wanted, and somehow it’s infinitely better than he imagined. He bites down on his lip so hard he thinks he might have drawn blood, but he _needs_ to be quiet, and that one simple instruction grounds him, keeps him from completely drifting away.

 

Mark’s length pulses hot inside him, and when he slides out only to slam back in, Yukhei can feel the tears streaming down his face. “ _Shit,_ baby, wish you could see yourself,” Mark murmurs, rolling his hips painfully slowly, so that Yukhei can feel every part of him, stretching him open. Mark presses open-mouthed kisses all over Yukhei’s face as he keeps the same pace.

 

“How does it feel, Xuxi?”

 

“So good, Mark-- _please please please, more, please--_ ”

 

“Faster?” Mark asks, suddenly speeding up his thrusts, and Yukhei moans so loud he’s sure the neighbors can hear. “Sshh, c’mon babe.”

 

“ _C-can’t--_ ” Yukhei chokes out, because every time Mark moves, his dick brushes up against Yukhei’s prostate, and Yukhei’s so dizzy with pleasure that he can barely see, much less remember to stay quiet anymore.

 

“Do we need to find something else to keep you quiet?” Yukhei just nods helplessly, because he doesn’t know where Mark’s going with this, but the way Mark’s slowed down again makes him _ache._ He’s a little startled when Mark pulls at Yukhei’s shirt and shoves it into his mouth. Yukhei lets out a startled moan, but it’s muffled by the fabric.

 

“That’s better, isn’t it?”

 

Yukhei nods. It’s easier to spit the shirt out than it is to keep it in his mouth, given how much it’s stretched between where it’s caught around his shoulders, but it gives him something to do with his mouth as he bites down.

 

Mark straightens up, manhandling Yukhei until he’s straddling one of Yukhei’s legs, throwing the other over his shoulder and gripping it by the thigh. When he slides his cock back inside, Yukhei’s eyes rolls to the back of his head.

 

Mark starts up a punishing pace, drilling himself into Yukhei so hard that there are sure to be bruises. Something about the angle makes every thrust excruciatingly good, so much that Yukhei starts to curl into himself, not knowing whether he wants to get away from it or not. But Mark just holds him in place and fucks him, uncaring now that Yukhei’s practically sobbing and writhing.

 

“Wanna come, baby?” Mark asks, voice low and gruff with the effort of maintaining his brutal rhythm.

 

“ _Mmff--_ ” Yukhei says, nodding frantically. He feels like he’s entered a different dimension when Mark wraps his hand around his dick, jerking him off sloppily, completely out of time with his thrusts, but it does the job, because seconds later, Yukhei’s spine arches off the bed, and he comes and comes, seeing nothing but white.

 

Mark groans as Yukhei tightens around him, and grinds out his own orgasm. The best part is feeling Mark’s dick pulse inside him, everything feeling hotter when he comes inside the condom. One day, Yukhei hopes that there won’t be that thin latex barrier between them, and he’ll have Mark’s come dripping out of him, sloppy and wet.

 

“ _Fuck,_ ” Mark hisses, pulling out slowly, and pulling the condom off, tying it up before tossing it in the trashcan by his bed. Then he leans over and cups Yukhei’s face in his hands, tugging the now-soaked shirt out of his mouth. “How’re you doing babe?”

 

Yukhei blinks up at Mark blearily. “Am I in heaven?” His jaw aches, his body feels like it has no bones, and his mind is blissfully quiet. Mark laughs, that awkward, parrot laugh that Yukhei loves so much, and wipes at the tear tracks on Yukhei’s face.

 

“I don’t think they do this kind of stuff in heaven,” Mark says, kissing Yukhei’s forehead, before reaching to untie his hands. “Does anything hurt?” He helps Yukhei slowly, bring his hands down, and his shoulders ache, and his wrists feel bruised, but it’s so good.

 

“Just sore,” Yukhei manages to say, distracted by the way Mark rubs his thumbs soothingly over his wrists. “Wanna take a shower.” The come on his stomach is starting to itch as it dries.

 

Mark grins, kissing Yukhei’s knuckles. “Alright, you big baby. Let’s go.” And even though his ass is so sore he can barely stand up, Yukhei’s never been happier.

 

\--

 

“Degradation.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Collars?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Choking?”

 

Mark twists from where he’s wrapped up in Yukhei’s lap, and looks at him seriously. “Probably not. That’s super dangerous if you don’t do it right and I don’t feel confident about it.”

 

Yukhei nods, agreeing. “Yeah that makes sense. The more I think about it, I’d probably freak out.” Mark hums in assent and leans back into Yukhei’s chest again. “I think the image of you with your hands around my throat is more sexy than the actual like… act of choking.”

 

Mark laughs, taking a languid sip of his beer. The remains of their fried chicken is scattered on the coffee table, because Yukhei’s stomach is a black hole, especially after sex, and it’d been scarily easy to convince Mark to order in. He feels spoiled and sated, and there’s really nothing better than a full stomach and a lap full of his amazing boyfriend, even if they are slowly sinking into the cushions of this truly ancient couch.

 

“Water sports?”

 

Mark chokes, coughing and slapping his chest when the beer goes down the wrong way. He turns his head to glare at Yukhei accusingly, only to get an innocent smile back. “You can’t be serious.”

 

“I’m serious.” As serious as it is possible to be when one’s name is Yukhei Wong.

 

“Do _you_ wanna try it?”

 

Yukhei laughs. “Probably not. But I don’t wanna knock it ‘til I try it.”

 

Mark takes a deep breath. “Let’s just. Put that on the back burner for a while.”

 

“Okay,” Yukhei says, tucking his face into Mark’s neck to hide the foolish grin on his face. He rubs his nose up and down the skin, nuzzling into it because apparently he’s extra clingy after sex and becomes a human octopus. “I’m really happy.” He feels like he’s going to burst at the seams from love.

 

Mark turns his head to smile at Yukhei bashfully. “Me too.” He pecks Yukhei’s lips and settles back against his chest. This is one heart boner that Yukhei doesn’t ever want to go away.

 

Minutes later, Yukhei’s phone vibrates with a text. He shoves his hand between the couch cushions where it had fallen and takes it out, unlocking it to read the messages.

 

**From: DO NOT ANSWER (Donghyuck)**

hey ho u owe me brown sugar milk tea w boba and grass jelly to go

 

Yukhei groans, half wanting to ignore it.

 

“Who is that?” Mark asks.

 

“Your brother.”

 

Mark turns fully to face him, face twisted in confusion. “Why is he texting you?”

 

Yukhei winces. “Trust me, you don’t wanna know.”

 

**From: DO NOT ANSWER (Donghyuck)**

WIG that rhymed

cant believe im a rap god AND a sex guru

YUKHEI??

QUICKLY!!

 

**Author's Note:**

> thank u for reading until the end!!!!!! i hope you enjoyed my foray into markhei dynamics ;;;;; will wear my service top/sub yukhei badge with pride forever. please let me know your thoughts in the comments or thru cc,, they mean the world to me!!!! ill see u guys soon <3
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/hyuckheis) || [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/hyuckheis) || [tumblr](https://hvuckheis.tumblr.com/)


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